


quiet reverence hanging in the air

by peachmaisie



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14850344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachmaisie/pseuds/peachmaisie
Summary: He could picture her so clearly, what he imagined her office to look like and Karen perched on the edge of the desk, wearing the blue blouse he loved on her. It made her already blue eyes even brighter, clear like water.Fire wasn’t supposed to love the rain, wasn’t supposed to love the temptation of dipping your toes into a clear lake. It was meant to be scared, to run in the opposite direction or stay till there was nothing left but mist in the air. Frank was good at following orders but he was better at doing what he wanted, drowning wasn’t all that bad once you got past the panic of it.





	quiet reverence hanging in the air

Blood smeared across the buttons of Frank’s phone as he scrolled for Karen’s number, it caked under his nails and smeared into the scars across his knuckles. There was so much of it, oozing from the wound on his stomach as though it were a dam barely keeping the flood in. It was by no means the worst injury he’d endured, violence was the language he was most fluent in but it did not make him immortal, it did not mean he could walk away from every battle he picked.

Bodies lay around the room like scattered playing cards, blood and guts splattered across the floors and walls. The sound of gunfire would have alerted someone to call the police, he had maybe minutes before they arrived. He doubted however by the time that they busted their way into the warehouse that he’d still be alive if the knife wound to his stomach had anything to do with it.

Death was no longer the first thing he thought of when he woke up, nightmares still shook him violently from still slumber but when he opened his eyes it was always Karen he saw first. Always peaceful, soft hair splayed across her pillow and even softer lips. Her name spun around in his mind amongst the blanket of sleep, a dainty word in the midst of the war zone that was his subconscious. She did not have to be awake to make his world a softer place, she merely had to exist and the horror quieted, the curtains closing after another bad dream.

The lack of numbers in his phone made it so finding Karen’s was quick, even quicker he dialled her number and held the phone to his ear. It was a strange thing to be thankful for but Frank appreciated the close calls with death he’d had, it made it so he knew what was coming. His heart had begun to pound even harder, a mixture of adrenaline from the fights and the desperate need to continue to pump blood despite most of it exiting from the diagonal gash on his stomach.

Sweat dripped down the back of his neck, the ringing in his ears both from the phone and from the pounding in his head ached like a bitch but there was nothing to do.

He could already picture what Karen’s face would be if he arrived home all bloody, half dead because he didn’t have his vest on. He wasn’t impulsive like he used to be, not now he had someone to care about but everything happened so fast. Before he knew what was happening he was bolting up the stairs with a gun heavy in his palms and another sat on his waist, the one time he didn’t wear a vest would of course be the one time some fucker managed to slice his abdomen open.

“Hey!” The ringing stopped and was replaced with Karen’s voice, he could hear her smile and could easily picture how her face must have lit up when she saw his name on her phone. How she could ever be happy because of him, Frank was yet to come to terms with that. He closed his eyes and replaced the image of bodies around him instead with her smile and the horror quieted.

“Hey.” It was impossible not to smile at how happy she sounded. She had one of those voices that could soothe the darkest parts of your soul, convince you that maybe everything was going to be okay. All Frank wanted was to hear the sound of her voice, may it be the last thing he heard. It had always kept him fighting though perhaps fighting was not the bravest thing he could do.

“Everything okay? You don’t usually call me around this time.” Frank hummed low in his throat, pressing his palm flat against the wound and gritting his teeth in response to the sharp pain. He did not need to look down at his hand to know it was warm with his own blood, enough so that every few seconds a droplet would fall from his fingertips.

Frank had no issues with lying when it was necessary, out of all the sins it was the one he had the least to worry about. When it came to Karen however, the only words he spoke were the truth. It was brutal sometimes, her harsh words versus his when things got tough but he needed that level of honesty with someone; Karen hated it when people lied to her.

“Yeah, just wanted to hear your voice.” It wasn’t all a lie, all Frank could do was hope that Karen could forgive him when she learnt what he had left out. “You finished that article yet? That desk can’t have been comfy to sleep on.” Karen sniggered and despite the dizziness that was starting to turn the world into a merry-go-round, Frank found the energy to laugh in return.

“Almost there. I should be finished in time to beat you home.” Karen replied, light and breezy. How was she to know that she would be returning to an empty home, the home that they’d both only recently felt comfortable referring to as their home? It made things feel so official, they didn’t share bank accounts or hold hands in public but they had a home. A place to come back to and know the other would be there waiting with open arms.

Part of Frank wanted to tell Karen to call an ambulance, not for his sake but for hers. He didn’t give a damn about his own life but for whatever reason she loved him, and it would haunt him past death to know that he’d willingly hurt her. He was meant to be dead, that was the deal. He was meant to be dead so that the world who wanted to put his head on a spike would lower their pitchforks.

Maybe it was the lack of blood talking, or maybe it was the voice in the back of his head that whispered and begged. He wasn’t afraid of dying, he was afraid of what happened to the one person left in the world who he loved. He could have called for help himself but he chose Karen, because in the end it was only ever her who mattered. Frank would have given up the stars themselves to see her smile even for the briefest second.

“I can’t wait to read it.” Frank kept his eyes closed as he felt his body slowly begin to loosen up. No longer able to keep the pressure on the bloody wound his hand fell limp to his lap, amongst the pool of blood soaking into and staining the material of his pants. He could picture her so clearly, what he imagined her office to look like and Karen perched on the edge of the desk, wearing the blue blouse he loved on her. It made her already blue eyes even brighter, clear like water.

Fire wasn’t supposed to love the rain, wasn’t supposed to love the temptation of dipping your toes into a clear lake. It was meant to be scared, to run in the opposite direction or stay till there was nothing left but mist in the air. Frank was good at following orders but he was better at doing what he wanted, drowning wasn’t all that bad once you got past the panic of it.

“Hey, I have to go now. But I….I love you, okay? You know that?”

Drowning. It was peaceful once you let go of the fear.

Karen was silent for a moment, it might have been a few seconds or minutes but she didn’t need to speak for Frank to know she was catching on to something. Resting his phone between his shoulder and his ear, Frank let his head go limp against it. Something in the back of his head processed the sirens that were gradually getting closer but the rest of his head pushed it aside in favour of focusing whatever he had left on Karen.

“I know.”

He didn’t need for her to say it back, he didn’t love her for the feelings in return but loved her because it was the only good thing he knew how to do. Most things in Frank Castle’s life had ended in bloodshed but Karen was safe, she had a home and plans to order in dinner, she left grey nail polish stains on the coffee table and snored during the winter.

He thought about her eyes, you could drown in eyes that blue. And maybe he did.

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on tumblr at ["maggiemurdock"](http://maggiemurdock.tumblr.com/) and on [ patreon](https://www.patreon.com/peachmaisie) !!


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